.....about Rebecca...
there are so many things i want to say about her and yet i don't know
where to start. and although i want the whole world to know about
her and how much better my life is just by her being in it, a part of
me wants to keep it all a secret...to keep it my own for just a while
longer.
in the past, i've tried to sell my friends, my family, and
myself on whomever i was seeing...trying to talk up all the things that
were just so damn great about the person i was with. i didn't
realize at the time what it was that i was doing...trying to make
myself feel something that wasn't there...but i see it now...so clearly.
i don't find that need with Rebecca. there is no cause to try and
convince anyone of anything. my head was convinced the first time
we spoke, and my heart was convinced the first time she took my
hand. when anyone asks how our date went, i simply respond, "it
was very nice. just perfect.". i've never been able to say
so much by saying so little.
i've always felt that i had so much in my heart to offer to someone,
but i've never felt comfortable or safe enough with anyone to give it
all to them. i've offered pieces...glimpses...enough to satisfy
them. but not enough to make myself vulnerable.
with Rebecca, i want to give her everything...i want to share with her
all of the things that have made me who i am...and i want to share with
her all of the things that are yet to come. she makes me feel
safe. she tells me that i am beautiful, and i believe her.
she touches my face and stares into my eyes in a way that just puts my
soul at ease.
and i want everything that she is...everything that makes her
smile...everything that makes her cry. i want to pull her close
to me and never let go again.
when i look into her eyes, i know it is not the first time we have been
together. somewhere...sometime...our hearts have met
before. it is as if my soul has been missing her...and is happy
to have found her again.
everything about her is beautiful and magical. i try to tell her
this, but i still just can't find the words that can express it to her
the way it needs to be said. lines from movies come into my
head...and they so perfectly capture what i might be trying to
express...and i hate that i have to turn to a movie for the words to
say. i told her that wednesday night, and it just tickled
her. i love her laugh...i could live inside it.
...she can move me to tears with her words and her touch...and she can have me rolling with laughter in seconds.
...she inspires me to take photographs of sunflowers and thistles.
...she stirs emotions and words in my head. (i've written some of them down, but i'm not quite ready to share them yet.)
...she holds my face in her hands, and everything else in the world seems to disappear.
...she laughs at my stories that have no endings.
...she likes my cornbread.
.....she makes me want to be a better man...
rebecca deserves everything that is beautiful and good in this world, and i want to give it all to her.
i want to lay my head in her lap while she reads poetry to me.
i want to write poetry to her...i want to tell her everything that is
in my heart...i want her to know how precious she is to me and how
blessed i feel that she is in my life.
if she will let me, i will spend the rest of my life trying to show her
just how much i love her.....but i don't know if one lifetime will be
enough.
all these unspoken somethings by Rebecca
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