so tired....

ok, this is my entry for the 26th, although it is now the 27th...but it is still the 26th SOMEWHERE, right? RIGHT?!?

it is almost 2am. i just got back from lexington. paul and i did our last web design course tonight at the small business development center. if my friend jason was here, he would ask me, "is the CENTER small, or are the BUSINESSES small?". good ol' jason.

can't believe he is getting married this summer. can't believe the damn wedding is like 17 hours away from here! no damn way i'm driving 17 hours to see a damn wedding (have i said DAMN enough?). but i can't decide which is worse...driving that far or paying almost $300 for a plane ticket to watch a WEDDING!

i'm not anti-wedding or marriage. but i just have such a different idea of how this will go down with me, if it ever DOES go with me. we'll be lying in the bed, talking about weddings and marriage and how we've both always just pictured that we'd run off to vegas. we'd both get really quiet for a second, look at each other, and just jump out of the bed and go! maybe we'd have a "family" version later on, so that we'll still get invited to family reunions...hell, if one of us can cook good chicken 'n dumplings, we won't even have to go to THOSE!

did i just base family independence on chicken and dumplings?

i don't think i'll ever type the word "dumplings" again. i already hate saying it. it is one of those strange words that if you say it over and over, it starts to sound like it isn't even a real word. kind of like "slacks", or "frothy".

when i get up in the morning, i fully expect to look out across the bottom in front of my house and see a newly formed lake. it has come down like pouring piss out of a boot today. actually, i've never poured piss out of a boot, so i'm not sure if that is an appropriate description or not.

but, if i notice pairs of animals hanging out together over the next few days, i'm heading for higher ground. wonder if you can pick up an ark at wal mart?

i found a great site today. i was looking for a t-shirt that says "i'm what willis was talkin' about", and found it on www.tshirthell.com they had some really funny shirts, but i'm not sure where you'd wear most of them. i can't really see myself rolling up to the freezer fresh with a "WWJD for a klondike bar" shirt on.

i got some email from 1969 tonight. apparently, monserrate wilkins was selling viagra way back then, but his emails are just now making it out. i bet he is PISSED!

also had an email from becky when i got back, and it just made my night. she is my muse for actually getting back into working on this site. if you are reading this, i just want to say, "thank you"....and i'm getting ready to respond to your email. =)

well, i think that about does it for tonight. oh...nope.. one more thing.

about a month ago, i had convinced myself that i had attention defecit disorder. pretty much since i was a sophomore in high school, i haven't been able to focus. when i read a book, a lot of times i'll get to the bottom of the page, and i'm like, "what the hell did i just read?", because 2,347 thoughts were bouncing around inside my head while i was reading. it was the same all through college.

it just got to the point recently that i decided it was time to take action about it. my mom was convinced it was ADD. i took the little online test, and it pretty much said, "yeah...you gots it!". so, i got some samples of strattera to try.

i'm pretty anti-medicine. i haven't always been that way, but over the past 10 years or so, i've just lost faith in it. i can't believe i'm going to type this, but that is what this blog shit is for, right?

when i feel sick...maybe a headache, or i feel sick to my stomach...i will put my hand on the spot where it feels bad, and focus on trying to make it not feel bad anymore....ok...now that i've typed that, i am really wanting to go back and delete it! but i won't.

anyways, sometimes it seems to actually help! my dad was a healer, at least when he was younger. i never got to talk to him about how he did it. i never talked to him about a lot of things i wish i had. but this ADD, or whatever...i just couldn't shake it. i couldn't focus on work. i'd sit down to start something, and 20 minutes later i'd be off doing something else. i told paul, i'm REALLY good at getting something rolling...it is the FINISHING that i have trouble with. i think i just need to be an idea guy somewhere. =)

so i started taking this medicine. and for the first day or so, it seemed like maybe it was working. when i'd start something, i would really stay on task. the funny thing is that the medicine really has no way to control WHAT you focus on. so if i started just randomly surfing the internet, i might get caught up in that for HOURS!

as the month has passed, the effectiveness of it seems to have started to fade. also, i started to forget to take it regularly (maybe that had something to do with the drop off in performance!). anyway, a few days ago i completely forgot to take it. so i've decided that i'm going to stop taking it completely. looking back on when i started it, i think i was just particularly stressed out. the moving, business, and all that "real life" crap that i hate.

but that is part of life. the stress. the anxiety. the good AND the bad. besides...i don't think i have ADD...i'm just a dangerous mixture of procrastinator and slacker. =)

well...i'm not going to put off going to bed. i'm zapped. good night! i'll leave you with this, from mitch hedberg. i think i'll try to incorporate a little piece of his humor every time i write one of these.

"i had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said, "where do you see yourself in five years?", and i said, "celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!""